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Artis Hibbledacker appears to have a bright future in front of him. After amassing the largest bug collection in the world at the tender age of 5, Crescent Valley began to take notice of his superior intellect. Yet ever since kindergarten all of Artis's teachers have made the same observation: he constantly antagonizes members of the opposite sex.

Artis has already paid a price for his obsession with the female form. Going into the final round in his appearance on Teen Jeopardy, Artis had amassed a 874,979 point lead over the other contestants. His victory appeared to be ensured. However, after the first round Artis could not avert his gaze from the pretty young blonde contestant that was next to him. He was in such a stupor that his answer to the final jeopardy question was "Who is the foxy blonde next to me?"

This lack of concentration really became apparent upon his entrance into college. Artis shocked his parents when he revealed he would change his major from Engineering/Biology/English to an independent study in Sex and Sexuality. Despite his intense interest in the field, when it comes to practice, Artis is all thumbs. He is entirely incapable of holding a conversation with a woman. Instead he tries to communicate with them by jabbing his finger into their backs, pulling on their hair and snapping their bra straps.

Every Thursday night Artis goes to the "Push-Up Room" to do what he likes to call a "field study". For Artis, the main attraction is the dancer who dresses up like a house wife. For a full year he has been watching her. She consumes his every thought. One day, he tells himself, he will work up enough courage to talk to her.