What's In Rucker's Pants?

A poem by Dan Rosen

Rudy Rucker, Rudy Rucker,
what's in your pants, you silly boy?
You built a world where every sucker
fools around, and nobody's coy.

"Interested in conjugating?" (Software, 88)
Says a bopper to Sta-Hi,
As if everyone were mating
without even knowing why.

Sta-Hi always has such luck,
which makes me think that Rucker's twisty,
for instance, "Do you want to fuck?" (Software, 65)
was asked to him by remote Misty.

A statement, Rucker could be making,
about an ideal world, perhaps.
But his characters are all bent on taking
pleasure in each other's laps.

I believe that Rucker would pay good money
for a sultry girl with no shirt on
to ask him, "Give me a lick, honey?" (Software, 100)
or something similar to turn him on.

So Rudy Rucker, you callow nerd,
I beg of you to calm your hormones.
Promiscuity makes your writing blurred;
what's in your pants should stay your own.

[To other discussions of Rudy Rucker's -- Ware trilogy (Software, Wetware, and Freeware) by members of English 111, Cyberspace and Critical Theory, Spring 1998.]