Day 18

love letters

I was thinking back on last night and now it seems sort of surreal. We were both so tired and what we were talking about was so serious and unexpected. I feel like I was pushing against sleep and darkness to talk in earnest, and I only hope I succeeded. When I told Naomi an abbrieviated version of our conversation, her sentiment was, "Well, did you tell him?" (Meaning did I tell you how I feel about you.) Looking back, I wasn't sure I had expressed it adequately. I was falling asleep and trying to impress what I knew was a crucial point at the same time. So I'm just going to say this one more time to be perfectly clear, and then we won't have to talk about it again if we don't want to. I hope you'll forgive my harping on this because now I believe you may even be more emotional than I am. So, this is a Truth: I was a before you called me. That fact made the OCCASION of your call/interest exciting, maybe even more so than it would have under different circumstances. This also is truth: When I started talking to you, I liked you, and ever since that first date, my respect and appreciation for your psyche has grown immensely. THAT is the basis and foundation of our relationship. That is why I want to be with you. I think you are intelligent, genuine and so extremely true to yourself, which I admire. You think too much, you feel too much (by whose standards?) and you're raw to what's around you. That's such a wonderful, fragile thing for a person to be, but for you, I think it is a strength. You love words and ideas and those are my favorite passions.

Sebastian, I feel a little silly. But I wanted to tell you this because it may not have been understood. Getting to know you as well as I can and offering myself to you piece by piece is the main concern out of everything in my life right now. I think we're both intriguing, potentially magical people, and I think we can be wonderful together. Please come away with me the last weekend in April. I want to try to make you feel better about everything -- everything you've been wrestling with lately, and all of the accumulation of past sores. We can have a moment that is just us, which I know will be so important to me (to both of us?) for a long time.


ps I am going to call you on Sunday, I may be here, or at home, but either way I'd like to talk to you.