[The announcer looks up wearing a cheerfully neutral smile; the creases in her beige-caked cheeks deepen.]

"And in other news tonight... local undergraduate Rita R. embarks on yet another journey through the wilds of academia. She will execute a close reading of Gregory Ulmer's acclaimed work Teletheory. "Rita R. told reporters earlier today that she is not sure how she will approach the assignment but remains confident in her ability to make sense of the text in question.

"We will keep you updated."

"More to follow . . ."