Owning Your Very Own Rolix

By Sebastian Gallese

Pssst. Pssst. Pssst. Pssssssssssssst. Come here. Pssst. Hey you. Here.

Sorry to call you over, I just wanted to attract your attention before you made a serious mistake over there. I saw you ogling over that watch for sale on the table. That timepiece, my good man, is a genuine fake watch. That ain't a real Rolex. No, no joke. Don't worry, we've all been duped at least once. I'll tell you though, It looks good for a fake. Yeah, like the real Yacht-Master watch, the rotatable platinum bezel and everything. I know, I know, it says Rolex, but didn't you see that "Made in China" sticker on the inside of the watch? Damn right they didn't outsource the original Swiss factory.

Well, you see, that ain't the whole story. That guy right there, selling the watches, he's no ordinary street vendor. What is he then? A cold blooded undercover cop. Yup, a heartless pursuer of the law. I've seen him arrest six people just today for buying watches, and there is nothing us legitimate watch street vendors can do about it. I saw you trying on that wrist band and I felt sorry for you. I mean, this guy even lied to you when you asked him if it was real gold. He didn't say, "Sorry, this watch right here is an inferior replica." No, he said, "18 carats, motha fucka," without even flinching. And he was ready to slap those handcuffs on your wrist too, I could just see it.

Why'd I save you? You looked like a sincere lover of the city with that "I Heart New York" shirt. A simple traveler that just doesn't usually deal with crooked cons like these guys. Well, he's not really a con- Rolex pays the bastard to come out here and arrest people for diluting Rolex's intellectual property rights. Yeah, I agree, who in their right mind would want a fake Rolex? But some crazy people do, and you my friend, were about to be lead into a financially unfulfilling transaction. I felt sorry for you getting cheated like that. It's probably your first time in the city too, am I right? I knew it! I can always tell!

But hey, you still look pretty set on that watch. Which one was it? The Submariner? No, you're right, the Yacht-Master. Yeah, why hide that handsome face of yours below the water when you can show it to world while captaining your ship? Well, I know this guy that can hook you up with a good price. Let's just call it the "Out-Of-Towner" discount. Yeah, and these watches, for a change, are real. You see that Astro Van over there? That's his retail shop. Yeah, you know these dot-com kids, no more brick and mortar stores, just passing on the savings to you. Don't worry, he's no authorized Rolex dealer, he won't over charge you.

Hey Toni, how's it going buddy? I found this guy by that Rolex cop down at the end of the street. You know what my friend here was about to do? Yeah Toni, I am afraid so. Well, my friend here seemed interested in that Yacht-Master watch, you got it? Nice, watch, man. Try it on, yeah go ahead, Toni guarantees nothing but 100% satisfaction. Hey, it looks real fine on you!

Hey buddy, how much does a watch like this cost in your home town? 20,000 dollars? That's outrageous! That's all middle man profit, trust me. Toni can get you a better deal.

How much does this cost, Toni? 10,000 dollars? Come on man. Hey, Toni, my friend here isn't from around these parts, why don't you go easy on him and give him the wholesale price. Come on man, this guy almost got duped over there, give him a break. I bet he'd be willing to even recommend you to all his friends if you gave him the discount. Come on Toni, look at his shirt. He means it! I knew I could count on you Toni, I owe you.

Hey, buddy, just be careful once you buy it, the whole counterfeit infringement thing has gotten some people thrown in the slammer. But wow, man, 50 dollars for that watch, I think you've got a heck of a deal. Now before you go with that Rolex, let me just give you one last piece of advice about purchasing items in this city.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney....