Underground Insider

Not Paranoid, just careful...


While on page 85 of the bugy papers like GOVT NEWS and USA TOMORROW, the Cook case is certainly worth a look. Underground Insider has the scoop:

3 Weeks ago, Stan Cook of Indiana was found dead. So what? Everyone dies, right (particularly former UI contributors...)?

WRONG! This is a mutilation that made even us shiver. The body was found by a Laverne Slanderhatter, who, before Memory Reprogrammation at the Media Center where he was found, wrote down the details of the body as best she could per our request. Digg this, h4xX0r5!!!1!

"The skin on the upper half of his body had been peeled into ribbons, and when I walked in, crows were pecking into his eye sockets, which had been filled with seed. His tongue had been taken from his mouth and nailed into his right hand, which in turn was nailed into the floor. Finally, his left thigh was impaled with a spike, which also penetrated the floor. It took 30 minutes to pull him and the spikes off, and the strongest bleaches to clean the stains. He was surrounded by vomit."

What the hellz0rs? What kind of sicko was he or his murderer? Of course, the Dig-Encrypto note next to his body mentions Basil Montag, our favorite mongrel who seems about impossible to interview these days...

So here's the game, UI style: Whoever can figure out whether this was a murder or suicide gets UI Gold status, absolutely free. They also get a free Dig-copy of 12 More Ways the Government Will Eat Your Children, by Slinky Salsebowich. Readers, let the games begin!

User comments


w00t. linked from USA Tomorrow. Watch us get shut down soon


I tried to prevent this...