Day 29


hello my sweet lizzie,

just got my english paper back today, the one that was two days late. i got a prof. tells me it had the potential to be an A paper, which i knew all along, but once again my blowing it off and doing a half-assed job got the upper hand. that really pisses my off, to think that if i actually put effort into my classes, i would be getting a 4.0. sucks...i suck...why can't i try. i don't even try anymore. i push my professors to their most extreme tolerances and then settle for shitty grades.

i got to the rock at 10:00 this morning. couldn't seem to focus, so i wandered around campus, came back and took a shower and went to meet with my 32 prof. then i went to class. after that i had a meeting with my physics prof. i spilled my guts, poured my heart out, and begged him to take pity on me for that fact that i am a SLOTH...yes, SEBASTIAN the SLOTH. sturck some sort of deal which is really fair, but requires that i study 18 hours a day until monday. can i do it? no. came back from that meeting and wandered some more, hoping by some odd chance that i would bump into you, but i didn't. i was walking around campus like a blind man hoping to see my sweet and have a hug. a hug from you would make it all, i feel so lifeless. what to do, what to do?

hope your play came out o.k. guess what, lucky cherry, you are done... today is officially summer vacation for you. three days of leisurely work on your project, then it's off to surfing at the beach for the problem.

figured out what i'll be doing for the next year. it all seems so simple and doable and perfect. but for some reason, i can't accept it. i don't yet know where you'll be or what you'll be doing. even though you are the one component that would make me able to accept what i've decided, you have to do what you have to do, and whether or not that includes me, i'll have to learn to accept and live with. it's very hard to think about this, especially if you are not in the me. for some reason, i can't stop thinking about it. i don't know...all i know is that i love you and the thought of being away from you is such a frightening and painful thought.

i'll probably be at the rock all night...hope to see you real, real soon.