Burnside Avenue

What I did know was that tissues or some sort of absorbent material was necessary and that you were supposed to make noise when you did it. So that night, I waited until everyone went to sleep, and then I grabbed a big wad of kleenex from the nightstand next to my bed. For some reason I grabbed a pillow and started humping it. Don't ask me how I knew to do that, it was like it was this natural thing that my body automatically knew how to do. So I'm humping away, and then all of a sudden I have to pee. So I spring up from the bed and run to the bathroom, pulling my pants as I'm going. Only thing is that once I got the toilet, I didn't have to pee anymore. This really confused me, but I kept on doing it for the next couple of nights like a trooper. Then this one night, I realized that there was spooj on my underwear. I had an epiphany -- I could make babies. It was a really bizarre moment in the development of my psyche.

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