Sodium (3 slivers)
Eye of Newt (1)
Iron Oxide (a pinch)
Sulphur (the more the better - can't go wrong with sulphur!)
Tiger's Milk (2 pints)
Human Fingerbone (1, finely ground)
Stardust (to taste)

Once all ingredients have been gathered, mix in an available vat. While waving your hand above the solution grandiosely, intone three times the following:

"Gathered once, stirred once or twice,
This stew's more grand than beans and rice.
By light by which the stardust shone,
I mix me here Philosopher's Stone."

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